Guilty, but Grateful

Ah, it’s weekend again and I have exams in exactly one and a half days. So, obviously, I should be studying. I should have decent marks to move forward in life and achieve my dreams. But as usual, I’m not studying and writing this up. Because I have two bad things which I’m guilty yet I’m grateful of having, laziness and procrastination, I’m not studying. Not that I’m really proud, but these two things would be the two things I’m grateful and guilty of having. So, here is a letter to laziness and procrastination expressing my gratitude for sticking with me through some really bad phases of my life.

Dear L and P,

Today, I’m writing this letter to you to let you know that you mean a world to me. Whenever I needed you guys, you were there for me. There was a time when I was a boring girl, without many friends and without living this beautiful and just existing. You taught me that I, along with you two, can do anything in this world.

Maybe, this doesn’t make sense. So, I have to go back a few years..

I was a really hard-working girl and a teacher’s pet and a loyal friend. I was basically an innocent girl with no real dreams, just following what my dad asks me to do and doing it without a second thought. I believed that if you worked really hard, you’re going to enjoy its benefits soon. I was really happy being a hard-working girl.

Enter L and P. I don’t remember the incident which led to me turning in to a lazy procrastinator. But it’s not important. I started watching TV shows and movies more and more. I started learning about other countries. I started reading books, and just reading books all day. I learned about several types of life people live all over the world. Suddenly, I was lazy to even get up from my bed to make a cup of coffee and I postponed doing my work to weeks later.

I stopped working, sometimes I scored really low. I started worrying. I was ashamed of showing these marks to my parents. I wanted them to be proud of me. But somehow it wasn’t working. I decided to put an end to TV shows, movies and books. But laziness and procrastination had crept inside my system and there was no way to take them out. It was really bad.

But as the hard-working girl died inside me, there was a voice inside me wanting to live life more. Live a life outside the textbooks. Suddenly, I’m researching about various fields which I never even thought in my wildest dreams to pursue. Suddenly, I wanted to discover life and explore the world outside my house and school. And suddenly, I’m starting to dream. A dream, one day, I hope to achieve.

While I say this, there is one thing I want to make extremely clear. I’m not a total procrastinator or a totally lazy human being. I still work hard whenever needed and it shows. But if laziness and procrastination hadn’t hit me, maybe I wouldn’t have dared to dream. I would have been a puppet dancing to life’s tunes. They helped me to make life dance to my tunes.

I love you L and P and thank you for showing me the meaning of life.

Nivedita

There is a misconception that being a good person makes you successful. Being all hard-working and sincere makes you a better person and then you win at life. But there is a shocking truth. The world will be a better place only when you experience some things that are really bad. Only then, you understand the meaning of good.

I never support 100% good or 100% bad. Because excess of anything is bad. If I was 100% hardworking, sincere girl, my entire life would have been different. I wouldn’t even have created this blog in the first place. I experienced laziness and procrastination and somehow everything fell into place. It may sound silly at first, but if you actually think about it, it all traces back to the time I became lazy.

I will always be thankful to these bad things because if it hadn’t been for L and P, I would never have experienced the small good things in my life.

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