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#MeToo

I was lying down on an uncomfortable bed,
while a lady doctor was examining my bruises,
someone was whispering in my ear,
“It’s all going to be okay”
but, I knew
the pain between my legs,
blood gushing out of my vagina,
were a proof that
nothing will be ever okay.

I was scared.
I knew I had to speak up
I knew I had to make sure
that no other girl is a victim
to non-consensual sex,
to violence and abuse, domestic or not,
to being denied the right to pleasure.
But, I was scared.
What will the society say?

They said,
it’s your fault.
Why did you have to wear that short skirt
which makes you look like a slut?
And I believed it.
I believed that my favourite skirt
which makes me feel
confident and poised,
is the reason a man came inside me,
without my consent.

They said,
a girl should be modestly dressed,
because she is an object of desire
and the way I am clothed
decides who gets to use my body.
So the way I see it,
it’s not me, it is a piece of cloth,
which has a greater control over my body.

It is always our fault.
It is our clothes and not our words
which matter to those who dominate us.
And while, every cell in my body
wants to protest and shout at the top of my lungs
against patriarchy,
against non-consensual sex,
against violence;
All I can do right now
is whisper,
“Me Too.”

The Clothes (May) Make the (Wo)man

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Unreserved.

This year,
I want to shout;
shout my slogans
until I tire.
Tell the world,
they don’t decide
who I choose to be,
what I choose to be
and, how I choose to be;
not anymore.

This year,
I want to cheer;
cheer for the women
for what they are:
Smart, strong and so surreal.
Crossing the ocean of hate,
bringing themselves up
every time
they are pushed down.

This year,
I want to squeal;
squeal with happiness,
shameless and unfettered,
at a child’s innocence.
Reminding you and me
what a joy
this life can be.

This year,
I want to
shout, cheer, squeal,
unreserved.
This year,
I want to make myself heard.

 Reservation

Never Sated

How often do you feel happy and all about your life satiated? How often do you sit peacefully and just take it all in and know I’m empty of any desire? Speaking for myself, I’m never in that state of mind. There is always something which is going on inside me that I want to change or improve about myself or of my surroundings. Being sated with what I have, isn’t a virtue I possess. But then again, isn’t being sated a bit overrated?

When I was little, I was bored of my little world of toys and dresses. I wanted to go outside into the world and be fabulous. I wanted to be like my older cousins who are so independent and confident. I decided that getting older was my ultimate goal and that when I grow up into a fabulous woman, when I become independent (whatever that means) my inner cravings would be sated.

Then, I came into high school. And things became complicated. I found out that if I had to become independent and fabulous, I had to have a job, which means I have to go to college and get a degree. So, my desires changed. Now, I just have to get a degree, how hard could it be? (Hahahaha.) Now, I wanted to just grow old, get a degree, find a job and be fabulous, and I will be satisfied.

When I finished high school, I was happy that I know what kind of major I’ll be and what kind of degree I will get. I knew my plan to get a degree and find a job is going very well, and that I’ll soon be everything I ever wanted to be. I felt like my desires were finally going to be quenched.
Except, life is not so easy. Nobody told me that the price to be independent and fabulous is my precious hours of sleep doing assignments and studying for exams. That, I had to manage the amount of money I spend of clothes and food very carefully – I mean, all these years, I had my parents to do it, why should it be any different now? So, the question is: Would my desires be ever sated? (They better be, because I’m putting in a lot of effort for this degree)

But, here’s what I love about me. I am not a quitter. I don’t lose hope (or, learn my lesson) that easily. My desire to be independent and fabulous maybe a bit unrealistic (any struggling adult will share the sentiment), but it definitely is not impossible. It might be a long way ahead, but it is there.

So, after my desire is satiated, does my wishes and aspirations stop? Not at all. Honestly, for me, new desires begin to crop up, even before my other desires are sated. So, being in a position where my mind is quenched is not a luxury I will enjoy anytime soon. But then, what is the point in being a sated human being? How do you hope for a beautiful life when you are sated? How do you try to improve yourself if you are sated?

As Ashley Judd says,

“I can’t think of anything I want and need that I don’t already have but at the same time, I’m not sated.”

In response to The Daily Prompt